Let me be honest with all of you…

I never expected any of this to happen. Man getting pregnant is a ridiculous and disgusting idea. I never knew such a thing is possible. It’s stupid. I am not gay. I never had sex with men. I don’t know why all of these happening. I am a freak of nature.

I hated myself. I fucking hated myself. I am single. I am a pirate. I am a chef. On top of all, I am a MAN. I am a freak. I thought people would be disgusted by me. Would be scared by me. But you are all kindly supporting me and this… thing inside of me right now.

I don’t know if it was a baby, an alien, a parasite- or anything- but I wanted to keep it. I don’t have the heart to hurt them. I want to meet this child. I want to raise them. I want to be there for them. To be a parent. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t even know if we’d be alive by then- But I wanted to try.

I am stressed. I am tired. I am so done with everything.

I threw up every morning. I can’t cook without getting nauseous. I am having random cramps. My back started to hurt more.

People looked at me. It’s awkward. It’s strange. It’s embarrassing. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know what to do. I feel pathetic. I feel weak. I feel useless. I am supposed to be part of the crew’s strongest. My emotions are piked up- and it was TIRING. I am mad. I am sad. I want to cry.

Yet I am happy with all of these.

I want to drink. I want to smoke. I want to fuck. I am a mess. I don’t even know anymore.

And it also grow up so fast. I am afraid. I am scared. What is happening. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know when and how and what will happen next… I just… don’t know.

I denied all of these is happening, yet I am excited for it…

But you guys are so kind and accepting. I thought you’d laugh at me, mock me, disgusted at me. But you are not. I can’t explain all of these into words… fuck… shit… I’m just… I’m just… I am just so happy to receive such positive feedback to this… thing.

shit. fuck. I am not crying.

That was not me… that was the hormones talking.

…fuck.

You really like making your father sentimental. I am looking forward to meet you too, you little fucker.

Let me be honest with all of you…

I never expected any of this to happen. Man getting pregnant is a ridiculous and disgusting idea. I never knew such a thing is possible. It’s stupid. I am not gay. I never had sex with men. I don’t know why all of these happening. I am a freak of nature.

I hated myself. I fucking hated myself. I am single. I am a pirate. I am a chef. On top of all, I am a MAN. I am a freak. I thought people would be disgusted by me. Would be scared by me. But you are all kindly supporting me and this… thing inside of me right now.

I don’t know if it was a baby, an alien, a parasite- or anything- but I wanted to keep it. I don’t have the heart to hurt them. I want to meet this child. I want to raise them. I want to be there for them. To be a parent. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t even know if we’d be alive by then- But I wanted to try.

I am stressed. I am tired. I am so done with everything.

I threw up every morning. I can’t cook without getting nauseous. I am having random cramps. My back started to hurt more.

People looked at me. It’s awkward. It’s strange. It’s embarrassing. I don’t know how to react. I don’t know what to do. I feel pathetic. I feel weak. I feel useless. I am supposed to be part of the crew’s strongest. My emotions are piked up- and it was TIRING. I am mad. I am sad. I want to cry.

Yet I am happy with all of these.

I want to drink. I want to smoke. I want to fuck. I am a mess. I don’t even know anymore.

And it also grow up so fast. I am afraid. I am scared. What is happening. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know when and how and what will happen next… I just… don’t know.

I denied all of these is happening, yet I am excited for it…

But you guys are so kind and accepting. I thought you’d laugh at me, mock me, disgusted at me. But you are not. I can’t explain all of these into words… fuck… shit… I’m just… I’m just… I am just so happy to receive such positive feedback to this… thing.

shit. fuck. I am not crying.

That was not me… that was the hormones talking.

…fuck.

You really like making your father sentimental. I am looking forward to meet you too, you little fucker.